Little late on this but... Why not. I don't think I've done art every month this year, so instead I'll just give a little summary.
WARNING: If talk of self-injury/self-harm triggers you, don'tread on.
January: everything fell apart. My sister ran away, I started trying to cut myself. I realized what was going on and started making an effort to not self injure. started writing as an outlet.
February: still felt like everything was wrong and I deserved the bad and the - what I now realize was - bullying. Made worse by my mom brushing off seeing how bad of shape my lip was in - heck, it'd been like that for months
and she didnt notice until then??? - as me just not taking care of it. tried to cut myself with a razor but the blade was too dull. thought about trying to get back into relationship with God but was terrified that He would just reject me like just about everyone else had.
March: things continued to go downhill, my grades slipped and I started getting behind, started biting deep into my lip again to cope.
April/May: realized some things, some people helped a little. statted a friendship with someone in Finland over fanfiction.net. I didn't tell her what was "wrong" with me until late march, I think. I mostly helped her until then. Coming out to her is I think what sparked a tiny bit of hope that things could get better. I've known some people on here who reached out initially but... idk, I guess I needed someone who I didn't know at all, who had no preconceptions or history.
June: I had largely stopped trying to hurt myself by then, but I was still depressed and hyper aware. I just barely got my grades to where my parents said I could go to Liberry - they had already paid for half the tuition by now, but they were threatening to pull out.
July/August: working with kids at a summer music camp brought a little brightness. choir got out so I didn't have to deal with the bullying. before heading to college, I said often enough to myself that I just started believing it.. no one would want to hang out with me, so anything more would be a pleasant surprise.
Welcoming week, August: the first convocation of the year, found out the bass made me physically sick. but... I recommitted myself to Christ that day. Not sure how much that matters to y'all but it really helped me.
September: made some friends, felt like this was the fresh start I had hoped for with choir... for the first two weeks. I started getting overwhelmed, scared even, in crowds. my Psyc of Relationship development class freaked me out a bit with what I was learning about myself and I had several days where I simply could not look people in the eyes - it absolutely terrified me.
October: things started to get a little better, I started growing more but finally realized that sometimes it's okay to admit aloud that you're not okay.
November: FINALLY electon and nonstop political convocation were over. grades were okay but not good enough for parents, started to doubt myself again and almost slipped. A couple convocations on bad days - though not as bad as in Sept - were kinda wake up calls. look up on YouTube "Who is barrabas". Stick with the video, and you'll understand. a couple strangers reaching out in person and a friend growing closer helped me through some rough patches, even though they had no clue what I had been through.
December: parents seemed... okay enough with grades. I don't really feel like I have a home. my parents moved to NYC, but the apartment feels more like a hotel than a home. my cat's probably dying, he's skin and bones. my grandfather I probably won't get to see again in person because his ALS is progressing so fast and apparently his brain is shrinking. it just feels like everything's falling apart. again. my parents are still completely clueless. I'm not even sure anymore if picing at my lip is just from habit or if I'm starting to fall back again. you know... I wondered if my parents don't say anything because I'm that good at hiding it, they don't care enough to look, or they see bit can't accept the fact that their remaining daughter (and yes, they see it toheheirhat way, they've pretry much caught my sis off) is self injuring. seeing as my mom just said "Remember when your lip split last winter?" as an argument for using chapstick... it's either the first or she's just downright clueless when it comes to me. I have a freakin scar running down the middle of my lip. HOW IS THAT JUST A SPLIT LIP???
Basically? really horrible first 3/4 of year, decent last quarter. small hope for this year being marginally better.